Look, writing flowery ad copy ain’t cutting it in this economy, especially in the age of “AI wrote my PhD dissertation” (because RIP turnitin(dot)com). I know why you’re here, you know why I’m here, so let’s just get to it: I’m trans/FTM/genderfluid, and I have both male and female parts downstairs. That’s my most novel feature. Yes they both work. Yes I am verse. I’m short, plush, and spunky as hell. I can present more masc or femme — tell me what you like or I’ll just flip a coin or something. (; My photos are recent and real. They’re far from perfect which should be proof they’re real, because why would I fake imperfection if I could just have AI make photos of some perfect trans god/goddess that’ll have you tripping over yourself to book You want talk therapy Let’s chat about what ails you. Your problems big and small. I’m a fixer. Want a “girl/boy next door” type who cuddles and listens and makes you feel warm and fuzzy Buckle up, buttercup: I’m about to squish the stress outta you. Wanna just get to it, no talking, just squishy wet sounds and animalistic grunting Hot. I’m down. I’m not a “high end” provider. I’m not a “low end” provider. I’m solidly “the porridge was just right” provider. No frills, no airs, just aggressive authenticity. Think Jack Nicholson in The Shining when he’s axing down the bathroom door near the end of the movie. That’s an accurate representation of me kicking down the door to smother you with hyperactive affection. I literally don’t care what shade/tint of the color wheel you are. I don’t care if you’re the most neurotypical person on earth or autistic as sh*t (I’m probs more the latter). I don’t care what shape or size your body or your dick is. I don’t even care if you can’t get it up because guess what, I’m creative as hell. I don’t care if you’ve never touched a kitty before, or if you have a higher body count than Trump has mentions in the Epstein files. As long as you’re 18+, I don’t care how many standard deviations lower or higher your age is relative to mine. If you were born 18 years ago to this day, or around when dinosaurs walked the earth, doesn’t matter. Hit me up. Just have good hygiene and be respectful okay I’ll do the same. Check my socials if you want extra proof I’m real, but honestly I just made them for … extra proof I’m real. I’m not social media savvy or anything. (Actually I kinda dislike social media for how brainless it’s made us all). I’m just trying to get to and through med school alright Help a future doctor out Don’t donate to St. Jude, donate to me instead. I wrote my profile from scratch btw (I liked em dashes before they were cool). Now some housekeeping: YES, I SCREEN. YES, I TAKE DEPOSITS. OUTCALLS: 400/hr 250/hhr 160/qv INCALLS: 400/hr + 100 FLAT FEE I DO NOT SEND PICS FOR FREE. I DO NOT RESPOND TO ONE-LINERS OR MESSAGES WITHOUT ANY HELPFUL INFO OR INTENT. I AM NEVER AVAILABLE ‘RIGHT NOW.’ If you still want more details about me here’s some stuff I like and dislike: Likes: Serious paying clients Snuggles Carnivorous plants Nintendo Pokmon Art history Aquariums Vampires Ochem/biochem Bio sciences Food Coffee and tea Drawing French Academia Learning about how stuff works Dislikes: Time wasters Bad hygiene Disrespect 420 Having to rewrite this ad all the time Physics Calculus Disclaimer: I promise I’m sane. But I bet this ad grabbed your attention right If nothing else, you’ll remember it better than others. (; Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.